Thursday, January 19, 2012

Adam Pertman Quote

There's no clinical or practical evidence to indicate that adoptees or birth parents try to disrupt or interfere with adoptions that include contact. To the contrary, many adoptive families grow stronger, and all of the people involved become more secure, when their relationships cease to be based on fear and fantasy. -- Adam Pertman, Adoption Nation
I've been wanting to write something that would incorporate this quote, but it stands pretty well on its own. So I'll just add that my own experience backs up his statement; our adoptive family did grow stronger as we formed a real relationship with Erica, our daughter's first mom. Prior to opening things up, she was a shadowy figure lurking on the edges of our life. Now, she is a real (and loved!) member of our extended family. That's definitely a change for the better. If you are an adoptive parent who hasn't already made this leap, please consider doing so. Can it be scary? Yes. But the typical fears that come up around open adoption are largely unfounded, and the potential benefits are great. Taking that leap may very well prove to be the best thing you've ever done.


  1. YES, YES, YES AGREED! Our family grew and grew including extended families for each of our girls' birth mothers ... we know we are a better family because of how our family extended so seamlessly! There are never too many people that can love you in your lives!

  2. Found you in a blog hop! We've had an open adoption from the beginning so I don't know any differently, but before we adopted we were way nervous about it! I think it's hard for people to understand who aren't are a part of it, but it really is a natural, beautiful thing!

  3. I'm a birthmom that placed 23 years ago in an open adoption. And I couldn't agree more with your post and with the quote! Open adoption can be a wonderful thing.

    Back in 1988, open adoption was still so scary - people were afraid the birthmom (or dad) would be intrusive or disruptive to the family unit. But this was definitely not the case in my situation. In fact, my birthson considers himself fortunate to have a phenomenal family - that includes his mom, dad, brother (also adopted) and BOTH sides of his birthparents family. He's always known me and my immediate family. And his birthfather and his immediate family. And now that each of is married with our own families, he has even more people in his life - including half siblings.

    I am forever grateful for the open adoption experience. And I hope other birthmoms that have also had positive experiences will join the discussion about open adoption and dispel some of the myths that it's somehow bad, wrong or harmful.

    Love your blog by the way -